Spoilers for some plot points and relationships in Assassin's Creed: Valhalla

Butch:

In Eivor's defense, Randvi totally started that.  Totally. 

Now she's calling me "my love."  Girl, you're married.  Keep it quiet.  Especially as my next quest objective is "meet Sigurd."  

Awkward…..

I also kind of love that the dots are getting a little trickier.  Just a little.   Neat. 

Feminina:

Oh yeah, that was basically Randvi's idea. 

I mean, it was a great idea and Eivor was totally into it, but we didn't start it. I hope Sigurd doesn't find out and get mad, but he probably will.

On the other hand, according to Valka's interpretation of our vision we're going to betray Sigurd anyway, so might as well go ahead and jump into that.

"I was just trying to HELP, man! If I betray you now by sleeping with your wife, maybe I WON'T have to betray you in battle later!"

Prophecies can be fulfilled in unexpected ways, you know.

Someone's going to notice and tell, though. Especially if she continues to be all "no need to go to my chamber, let's just have sex right here on the map table." 

Lady, I like your "thumb your nose at danger" attitude, that's what I spend most of my life doing after all, but we are GONNA get busted. This is a busy hamlet, and those longhouse doors are wide open.

Butch:

Hey, maybe that's what the prophecy was saying all along! You never know! 

Sex on the map table?  Dude, I just kissed her.  Don't want to get too distracted on the way out to hunt dots.   That is rather risky, I agree.  Very little privacy, and what if you knock over those ravens and forget where they go?  Problematic. 

Of course, Eivor's "room" is not any better, what it opening right onto the feast hall and having no door.  

Vikings aren't very good at doors, are they?  Probably why they lock everything behind hastily constructed barriers made of flammable material that can be knocked over with an arrow.  They look on those flimsy barriers and think "Dude, this is SOLID! I don't even have this on my BEDROOM!" 

I have not played as many AC games as you have, so maybe I'm wrong to be surprised by this, but I was not expecting soap opera personal intrigue in an AC game at all.  AC4 and ACO had no such thing.  Did other games? 

I like that you said "Eivor was totally into it," ignoring the fact that we had two other dialog options.  Let's just blame Eivor.  I agree. 

Feminina:

Eivor was totally into it IF WE SELECTED THAT DIALOGUE OPTION, dude. Obviously there was the possibility that Eivor would not be into it, I was just assuming that since we are the same person, we did not choose to bring that possibility to light. 

So I wasn't blaming Eivor in general, I was blaming us. As we deserve. 

Unless you're saying you wisely turned down your sister-in-law's advances and left her with nothing but a chaste kiss. Honestly, for the blog's sake you should have done that so we could compare, but even if you didn't, I'm sure you'll manage to end up eating warm cakes in a flower-draped cottage while I face the Threesome of Shame, because that's how we seem to roll with game romances.

At least, you'll be eating warm cakes in a cottage until you end up in a shallow grave in New England. You can't dodge fate forever.

Also, no, this level of personal intrigue was not high on the list of stories from past AC games I've played. Ezio had a dalliance with a Countess or some similarly noble woman, but there was no particular concern with her husband, who I think was away at war or something and never made an appearance. 

Also, good point about the lack of doors. Hard to keep anything a secret around here.

Butch:

All the more reason the series is improving!  Love me some soap opera intrigue. 

Dude, I wasn't going to turn her down.  I spent the whole damn game thinking "Man, she's cool, too bad I can't romance her because she's my sister-in-law," then BOOM!  When I went back to the map and she was all "my love," I smooched her and was all "Be back later, my love" nudge nudge.  She liked that.  

I'll get the good ending because I will stay loyal to my sister-in-law, while you, no doubt, will make out with whatever drunken dregnr looks at you twice.  

(Here is where I idly ponder whether sitting around a house eating warm cakes until I wind up in a shallow grave in New England is the "good" ending, seeing as that's basically how I have spent and will spend my entire adult life.)

(Why are we playing games that hit so close to home this year?) 

But back to hot sister-in-laws....

I was thinking it's rare that a game lets you do something that, let's face it, sleazy.   Sure, we've seen hookers and been given the chance to cheat on our sorceress (you monster) and break the heart of the cute, red haired oddly French bard (hey, she was religious and clingy), but I can't remember the game giving you the option to do something as questionable as banging your damn SISTER-IN-LAW.   I didn't expect Randvi to be romanceable, but not for narrative reasons (as the narrative here makes sense and is kinda fun).  I didn't expect it because games don't usually go there, and by there I mean extramarital relationships in general, let alone with your damn sister-in-law.  

I'm still a little surprised.  Sure, they softened it by pointing out it was a political marriage and that Sigurd is gone a lot, but still.   This is usually off limits in games. 

Feminina:

I know, man, bring it on! Romance! Betrayal! Passion in the map room! I'm all over it. 

Even if it is going to make Sigurd mad. 

As to the sleazy morals aspect, I thought it was interesting that we get this after we've learned that Sigurd is away all the time and usually drunk when he's home, AND that Valdis was technically married to Rued but left him and was planning to marry Oswald--kind of heads-up that Dane marriage is perhaps a more flexible concept than we maybe think of it today. 

At least on the personal level...as you say, Randvi and Sigurd are a political union, and that brings the law into it in a way that it maybe is not really involved between two people just agreeing to be married. Or one of them deciding that no, they're not. 

Butch:

You know what would've been eight ways of awesome? 

If, when you played a male Eivor, Sigurd came on to you. 

Feminina:

We'll find out! Mr. O' is playing a male Eivor!

He's actually behind us right now, though, so he has not reached this point. He keeps taking breaks to play Battlefield with another friend. Not my kind of game at all, but it's a chance to socialize.

Butch:

True about a perhaps more flexible notion of marriage....but still.  Made me look at it a little sideways.  Yes, they tried to soften it, but still...risky move for a game. 

Have you talked to Sigurd yet?  I might have to get a few more dots just to let the smoke clear, you know? 

Is it your night tonight? 

Feminina:

It is. 

I plan to bop around Oxenefordscire and see how much trouble I can get into. 

Butch:

Oh there's plenty in Oxfordshire. 

Have you bopped around at all?  I still have a lot of bopping to do still. 

The dots are getting more challenging! More puzzly!  I'm into it. 

Of course, that will likely mean the tattoos and legendary animals will also get more challenging, and fuck all that noise. 

Feminina:

I have bopped a bit. Fought with a guy on a hill, cleared out a cursed location, murdered a bunch of dudes in a hunting camp. The usual sort of thing. Talked to Sigurd, did some stuff with him, probably going to bop around some more. 

No interest in tattoos or legendary animals. I found one of those recently too, a foxlike thing called the black something-or-other...I looked at it, noticed its legendary status, idly shot a couple of arrows at it from outside its arena (this never works, and I didn't expect it to, but you gotta try), then left when they did absolutely nothing. Legendary animals can go about their legendary business as far as I'm concerned.

Butch:

I think I did that symbol last night.  Underground?  Poison gas?  Liked that. 

Dude, I ran into a legendary "animal" that was not one, not two, but THREE power 160 wolves in the same arena last night. 

They can keep their ingot in peace. 

Feminina:

They are extremely welcome to that ingot!

And yes, underground, poison gas...I rather pathetically died from the lingering poison gas after I'd already destroyed the symbol (I just forgot to heal), so it wasn't my most dignified moment, but what can you do? At least I made the place safe for human habitation again...assuming anyone wants to live there considering all the gruesome death.

Butch:

Yeah, really, Eivor. 

"This land is cleansed....except for that poison and all the dead bodies and ruins.  But other than that, by Odin....CLEANSED!" 

Way to go, Eivor. 

Feminina:

"Like the driven snow! Except for all the blood and ashes and disfigured corpses. Well, I'm off--enjoy!"

Butch:

Meh.  Maybe Odin does consider that "cleansed."  He's kind of a weird dude. 

How are you all of a sudden ahead of me?  

Feminina:

Sleeping with my sister in law gave me a burst of energy!

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