Usually I write this blog a few days ahead of release, so often what I set to publish is out of date by the time it comes to your attention. When I say that I am near the end of my first readthrough of, for example, Breathing Fire, I will actually have finished it by the time it goes to press.
Not this time.
Yes, I am near the end of my first redraft. Sadly, though, some fool has allowed himself to be triple-booked with editing jobs and it's all hands to the word-processor to get them deadlines met. It's also half-term and the baby's first birthday today.
But! But I am indeed near the end of BF – near enough to taste the fresh air of freedom. Once my head is above water I can gently ease the story into the hands of a trusted beta-reader and I can forget about it for just a little while. And I can get back to Our Kind of Bastard, what has itself just received a new round of feedback.
This is utopian thinking because of the aforementioned deadlines. But still. Best to aim high and all that.
Back to Breathing Fire, and the horrible uncertainty that comes with a project in its infancy. I genuinely have no idea how good it is. It's not so much the writing that I fret over – firstly, I have some faith that I'm at a certain level of competence when it comes to stringing one word after another (though I still doubt whether 'dramatic effects…'
like suddenly giving a line a whole paragraph of its own
…actually work or are too heavy handed). And secondly I know that the actual word-choice is one of the easiest editorial fixes. I often wonder how many individual words survive from first draft to publication; successive readthoughs and polishings should refine and refine and refine until all that's left is something that works.
No, at this stage I'm worried about plot and character, long-windedness and structure.
I worry that the plot doesn't follow. That characters are either too perfect or too abrasive (in BF in particular I have at least one character that might come across as whiny or too one-note). I worry that the story, especially in the second half, drags, and that there's simply too much action and not enough space for the characters to breathe. And I worry that the grace-notes I have are a distraction from the action.
All writing is to some extent about creating a monster; stitching together concepts and characters and, ultimately, words, until they make something that (hopefully) transcends its component pieces. Problem is that I am simply unsure whether this particular monster is hero or villain. Or even which one I'm aiming for.
Ultimately all I can do is export this dilemma to someone else: an agent, an editor, or a beta-reader. Someone who will give me fair and honest opinions, without being too cruel, on what I've done so far. As I don't have the first, am scared to spend money on the second, and know and trust several of the third, that's my decision made for me.
I really hope they like it.
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