Some of you may have spotted that Tony Christie, together with Sting and other musician friends, released a remake of Andrew Gold's 1980s song, Thank you for being a friend earlier this week.
It was the opening title music for The Golden Girls, a US TV comedy sitcom about a group of 4 mature ladies who share a house in Florida. Given that one of them still has an 80 year old mother to worry about, they must not have been all that old – probably in their late 50's at the start of the show that ran from 1985-1992. Yet when I watched the episodes, in a fairly bemused fashion because they seemed to be having fun as well as dealing with controversial issues such as HIV/Aids, assisted suicide, problem gambling, elder care etc, I thought that they were ancient. I was barely 30 years old, young, energetic, raising a young family and with all of life in front of me. Of course, nearly 40 years on, I am a "Golden Girl" and I have grown to appreciate the friendship and support of other women as I have negotiated the decades – some of which were more challenging than others. When you reach the relatively secure pastures of retirement things can get easier – family raised, career accomplished, personal relationships established, you know who you are and by now have probably accepted yourself and those that you love despite faults and weaknesses.
But then, at this relatively calm stage of your life, you may be thrown a curved ball when physical problems can begin to niggle. The body that you took for granted for six or more decades can no longer be relied on and demands careful maintenance and running repairs. One of the most frightening diagnoses one can receive is to be told that those lapses in memory and possible changes in behaviour are not merely part of the normal ageing process, but that you have the beginnings of dementia. A terrifying prospect that one is not going to slide (dis)gracefully into old age, but that one is going to lose ones cognitive functions on the descent.
If anyone has ever witnessed the decline of a friend or family member with Alzheimer's disease or similar, you will recognise what a terrible disease it is. Last year, I went to the funeral of a friend of 40 years. We had bonded over a playgroup shared by our toddlers and remained friends as our respective sons grew in to men and had families of their own. She was a beautiful, elegant, highly intelligent woman, yet by the end she had even lost the capacity to raise her own plastic sippy cup to her lips to have a drink of lukewarm tea. It was heart breaking to witness and I guess it is a fear that many of us keep pushed to the back of our consciousness – what would it be like to receive such a diagnosis, or perhaps have a partner so diagnosed? We would need all the friends that we could get in such a situation.
Tony Christie revealed last year that he has dementia but rather than hide it from public view as a dirty little secret and none of anyone else's business, he is speaking up and is working to raise awareness of dementia and the positive role that music can play in the lives of sufferers. Sometimes, music and songs are the things that can be held on to for the longest, and provide relief and reassurance on what must be a scary, dark journey into the unknown.
July 2nd is the UK annual Thank You Day and this year various community groups, among them the WI, have agreed to sing Thank you for being a friend in solidarity with dementia sufferers and their carers everywhere. It is a cheesy song and an incomprehensible dance routine. I am not a natural dancer or singer but I reckon 5 minutes of excruciating public humiliation is a tiny gesture to make. Compared to years of diminishment and lost functions, it will be a mere gnat bite of embarrassment. Some of our members have already cared for a parent or partner through dementia, some are currently carrying that burden and, no doubt, a few of us will have to face it ourselves sometime in the future. The support of strong friendships will be vital.
Look out for a Flash Mob of mature ladies somewhere near you - but I am not so totally lacking in personal pride that I am going to let on when or where I shall be making a spectacle of myself.
https://www.musicfordementia.org.uk/thank-you-day
No comments:
Post a Comment