Perhaps Not the Rousing Finale We Dreamed Of

Feminina O'Ladybrain

Sep 1

Vague spoilers for a battle in the Dragonspear expansion for Baldur's Gate

Butch:

Well....it does end. Sort of.

But MAN does it overstay its welcome.

I wanted it to be over, so I binge played. I spend the last HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES of this bing play on STORY MODE, where you can't even die, and it STILL took me an HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES OF THAT!!!!

I suggest you cheat.

But, if you don't, I can wait. Hockey starts soon and I have records to clean.

Feminina:

Well, after I got into the warrens and started fighting Hephernaan and all those crusaders in that dungeon, I turned it down to Easy. Found the crusaders' water supply that I was supposed to dump the Poison of Terror in!--and you know that poison I'd been carrying around for weeks? I left it in the dark wizard cave in favor of hauling out some companion gear, and it disappeared. So I didn't poison the supplies.

Learned that Hephernaan wants to sacrifice me to free demons because Caelar's blood isn't enough, freed the ghost, freed the caged ogres, which made the other ogres happy. They gave me some loot, nothing special.

Got out of there, went back to camp, swapped out Minsc and Dynaheir for Khalid and Jaheira because there was story...Khalid explained how he needed spider silk...and you know the spider silk that had been taking up space in my inventory for months? I left it in the dark wizard cave in favor of hauling out some companion gear, and it disappeared.

I went back to the Hidden Cellar to look for more, but there was no more. Sorry, Khalid.

Then I found Skie, but when I went back to report to Nederlock about it, the endgame had kicked off, so I guess he will never know.

Fought several waves of crusaders with my various forces, including the dwarves we befriended back in those other dungeons, so good on us for helping people and gaining allies, although on Easy it didn't matter that much.

Now we're about to march on Dragonspear Castle. I'm ready, man.

Butch:

Ah, you think this is the endgame. I remember when I was two days younger and so naive.

Where the hell was Skie???? I didn't meet up with Skie until much later. What was she doing? What was with all of that???

And where was the water supply???? I could've given you my potion because I totally didn't find where to dump it. I poisoned the food, but never did use the potion.

OK, rant time.

So you find out the master plan of the baddie. You learn what he's up to and how he's using the crusade. Then, there's that parlay. Oh, the parlay. I'm betting that you, like me, like probably EVERYONE WHO HAS PLAYED THIS wanted to say, at the parlay, "Hey Caelar? Yeah, about your dude there....."

AND WE COULDN'T!!!!! We couldn't even MENTION the master plan and how the crusade is being used!

What in the actual hell? Why was I not given the option to say a) what I wanted to say and b) what would be obvious to say given that point in the narrative? I was so mad. Not only was it weird, clumsy storytelling, but it was an egregious removal of any "role playing" aspects of the damn ROLE PLAYING game!

Too bad about the Khalid thing. If you make the necklace, Jaheira treasures it. It gives her +2 to charisma and makes her immune to fatigue, which is pretty great given all the spells she has to cast.

But I will have A LOT to say about that if we ever play BG2.

Feminina:

Skie was outside of the castle. I wandered over to the Dragonspear map before returning to camp (since I was already out looking in vain for spider silk), and she was hanging out there. She said she'd been spying on the crusaders and noticed something about the walls. I told her that was useful information and to go back to camp to report, and she was pleased that someone appreciated her work (there was another option to scold her and say "we have professionals to gather intelligence, this was stupid" or something, which I'm sure would have made her unhappy), and she left.

But yeah, the lack of any option to try to tell Caelar, "hey, you're being used, your buddy there wanted to sacrifice you only your blood wasn't powerful enough" was...odd. They could at least have let you try, and have her say "I won't hear a word against my trusted advisor!" or something. Acknowledge that we TRIED to act on some pretty crucial information!

I guess it wasn't guaranteed that we'd have that information, we could have started the attack without it, so maybe they wrote it to account for the fact that some people wouldn't have this option, but come on. COME ON! Why even let you find out something if it makes no difference?

Whatever. I'm over it. I'm ready to move on with a 700-chapter endgame.

Butch:

Exactly! Why let you find it out if it makes no difference? There were and are going to be plenty of other times to drop that little tidbit. MANY other times. Dropping it there made it seem like it mattered THEN, and it really, really didn't.

I'm just irked because whenever you find yourself angry at an RPG for not having correct role playing, that sucks. Give us the option to say it, let her say "I don't believe you!" and move on. Lazy and weird. Grumble.

792 chapter endgame. Maybe 793.

Feminina:

Yeah, in my head I had to just kind of assume that we did say it and she brushed us off, because otherwise it made no sense. There's no way we wouldn't have bothered to mention this revelation. We're not the type to leave that sort of thing unsaid.

Or much of anything unsaid, really.

Butch:

We are verbose, that we are.

Though, here's more rant: I didn't get any more flirty dialog! Neera, I got the thing out of your head. That's it? You were using me, Neera, weren't you?

Thing with sorceresses. Always wanting you to do things like get demons out of their heads or father archdemon babies and then POOF! They're off.

Feminina:

Aw, man! No romance?

Just as well I didn't get around to traveling with Dorn anymore.

Butch:

I don't know what happened, man!

Maybe she saw me turn it down to easy lost respect for me.

Probably for the best. If we get to BG2, I have such a history with Aerie and I want to get to BG3 a free agent, you know what I'm saying?

Feminina:

Yeah, that's probably it. She's thinking "I respected this dude when he was playing on Core Rules, but this? Bah. Not the father I want for my demon baby AT ALL."

Butch:

Thank Naked Zeus Morrigan wasn't as judgmental.

Feminina:

Low standards for the win!

Butch:

BEST (AND MOST ACCURATE) T SHIRT EVER!!!!!!!!!

Wait....why are you saying she had low standards?

Feminina:

It's our patented modesty!

Just making sure we don't have to live up to any crushingly impressive reputation. Set the bar low, then wow them with our brilliant commentary and hilarious turns of phrase, that's my strategy.

Butch:

Does that work on sorceresses?

It must.

It will!

Feminina:

I don't see how it could not.