A suggestion has been made that we ring at 2.50pm on 10th October to mark the launch of Loss Certificates, which from next week can be issued to those babies miscarried before 24 weeks gestation. Until now, these little ones were not entitled to any official recognition of their existence. There are an estimated 250,000 babies lost each year to miscarriage in the UK and many of them would have been longed for children. Their loss is not negligible for the families affected, and to have this recognised is important. I doubt there is an adult in the country who has not shared the grief of a partner, mother, aunt, grandmother, sister, daughter, friend who has lost a baby before it was born, not to forget all those women who have lost their own longed-for baby. I remember an honorary aunt (the friends of mothers were always "aunties" in my childhood) telling me about the baby daughter who did not survive long enough to be born, and this was probably 20 years after the event. Her death had left a sad hole in her life.
The Certificates of Loss have been fought for by The Mariposa Trust, a charity that supports those who have suffered baby loss and bereavement. A lot of their work is devoted to organising services of remembrance that allow people to grieve in a supportive environment, creating appropriate support services following child bereavement and changing the taboo nature of baby loss. Too often, a woman suffers a miscarriage and does not feel that she can talk about it to family and friends. "Saying Goodbye" is the primary division of the trust and it offers a programme of services at cathedrals throughout the UK and also in some US cities. Bereaved families can come together to grieve for the dreams that were over before they had even begun. They also support those undergoing fertility treatment and those couples who, for whatever reason, have never been able to have children.
If you need to say goodbye to a baby, even one that would be a pensioner by now had she survived, then check out their website sayinggoodbye.org/services. You can stand with others who have experienced the same pain and publicly acknowledge and remember your children.
I know some ringers may be wary of supporting a little known charity on the say so of a Facebook post, especially after the debacle of a bell ringer who asked the community to ring and raise money for a cancer charity, only later for it to appear that people had been manipulated. However, it seems genuine enough. After all, Floella Benjamin (she of Play School and Play Away fame) has been supporting the legislation through the House of Lords. If your band chooses to ring to mark the introduction of Loss Certificates, then go ahead and ring on 10th October. Perhaps try for some publicity, even if only in the church newsletter, because it is events such as these that give people permission to talk about their loss, however historic, and thereby reduce the taboo subject of still birth.
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